It has now been a week since we lost our little baby boy . . . life is starting to get back to normal but there isn't a second that goes by that we don't think about him and what we lost. People have said to me that once we have a new baby, that new baby wouldn't be in our lives if it weren't for what happened to our baby boy . . . that does not make me feel any better. I first have to have another baby without any complications and if I am lucky enough to have another healthy baby (I am not scared to try again, but I am more prepared for something to go wrong as creating a baby is a miracle and so many things have to go right) he or she will not replace what we lost. Some people also say, it's good you found out this early . . . I think to myself, this wasn't early! He was 17 weeks when he passed away, that is not early - early would have been before I saw/heard his heart beat, face, nose, ears, feet, hands, mouth, etc. I think it would have been just as hard losing a 40 week baby, but I at least would have been able to say good bye and have closure. Losing a baby at any time whether it's 10 weeks, 20 weeks, 40 weeks or at 2 months is absolutely awful. I know people are trying to make me feel better and I appreciate that.
Today I am thankful this month is almost over. I am ready to put this month of hell behind us and celebrate the Christmas season with our smiley, happy, crazy, trouble maker, ornament lover, snugly little Will and of course our family and friends!